tell me the truth...did you ever love me?

happy b-day to me

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 17:48:53 GMT

so
my b-day was yesterday
and...

i turned 18

omg thats crazyyyyyyyy

i went to school and erin + cathy got me balloons
elif bought me a JUMBO hershey bar

i love those girls

i cut all friendship with caity and koc
considering they are grimey and two faced
so is the trashy theresa eaves

jenn made me a giant card
it was cute
she is deffo my soulmate
she also bought me a tiara, and alyssa got me two packs of mild cigs, aws she remembered i was switching

jenn came over and we got ready together
ang wasn't feeling good but was a "trooper" ew why did i say that
lucas got arrested but still managed to make it to the restaurant
(he bought me the book i wanted and dre me pictures on the inside covers)

we ended up going to a hooka lounge but the waiter was rude and asked if i was a boy or a girl so we left, plus they didnt have covers for the nozzle.

gay bar was 21+
couldnt get in

we ended up smoking and drinking and stuffing our faces at my casa
but it's all good

PARTY TONIGHT

=]

pics to comeeeeeeeeeeee

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 21:33:41 GMT

[my name is]: ivan, 1 "n"

[in the morning I am]: gross

[love is]: unexpected and usually the greatest thing in ones life

[if I could see one person right now]: Dave ♥

[I'm afraid of]: failing, losing dave, not going to college

W I T H - T H E - O P P O S I T E - S E X ?
[what do you notice first?]: i'm not usually looking

[last person you slow danced with]: don't remember

[worst thing to say]: how much is this gonna be?

[tall or short]: dont care, i dun do females

W H O ?
[makes you laugh the most?]: jenn "nubbi" hamilton

[makes you smile]: Dave ♥

[gives you a good funny feeling when you see them]: nubbi

[has a crush on you?]: Dave, i'm guessing/hope/wish ha

[easier to talk to: boys or girls?]: girls

D O - Y O U - E V E R ?
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to IM you?]: yes, im usually away but im still sitting there

[save aol/aim conversations]: yes

[cried because of someone saying something to you]: yes

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R ?
[fallen for your best friend]: 'sgust no
[been rejected]: no
[used someone]: plenty
[been cheated on]: yessss
[done something you regret]: alot of things and people haha

W H O - W A S - T H E - L A S T - P E R S O N?
[You talked to]: my daddy
[hugged]: cathy allen
[you instant messaged]: brandon
[you laughed with]: cathy allen

Y O U?
[color your hair]: yes
[habla espanol]: no, eh a little bit?

H A V E - Y O U ? // D O - Y O U ? / / A R E - Y O U?
[smoke]: yes // yes // no
[obsessive]: yes // yes // yes
[could you live without the computer?]: yes // no // no
[how many peeps are on you buddy list?]: 92
[what's your favorite food?]: coffee
[whats your favorite fruit?]: cherries
[which hurts the most, physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional
[trust others way too easily?]: nope

FIRSTS
[first real memory]: falling down the stairs and cutting my lip haha
[first car]: hasn't happened yet

[first date]: brandon at the west hempstead school play
[first real break-up]: brandon at the billiards i think
[first job]: haven't had one yet

[first screen name]: drclaw dont remember the number that followed
[first self-purchased album]: amber
[first funeral]: my principal
[first pet]: duke my late german shepard
[first piercing]: munroe
[first big trip]: honduras
[first concert]: christina aguilera and justin timberlake
[first music you remember hearing in your house]: lion king, ew

LASTS

[last cigarette]: around 1 p.m.
[last car ride]: this morning for my exam
[last kiss]: day before new years eve ='[
[last good cry]: a few days ago
[last movie seen]: cursed
[last swear word uttered]: shit

[last beverage drank]: water
[last food consumed]: coffee
[last crush]: david

[last phone call]: berkley college
[last tv show watched]: flist
[last time showered]: last night
[last cd played]: love.angel.music.baby
[last item bought]: graduated beads

[last annoyance]: sean paul being blasted in the next room whil i was trying to nap
[last disappointment]: dave being grounded and not being allowed to talk to me
[last time wanting to die]: a few days ago
[last time yelled at]: yesterday
[last shirt worn]: rolling stones band tee

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R ?
[pictured your crush naked?]: i have and still do

[actually seen your crush naked]: not yet =]
[been in love]: Currently
[cried when someone died]: yes
[drank alcohol]: yes
[lied]: yes

F I N A L - Q U E S T I O N S ?
[i want]: a cig
[i love]: my boyfriend, friends, life
[i miss]: dave & marvin
[i fear]: losing dave and not getting accepted to AIB
[i hear]: lindsay lohan ♥
[i wonder]: how much i weigh?

representin' the struggle

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 18:00:56 GMT

home sick...
again

i hate this, i've been sick since friday... that's almost a week... yuck

yesterday was annoying
cheverino called my house and said if i didnt have my artwork in by today that she was gonna fail me so i had to stay up till almost 2 (as sick as i am) and do ALL OF IT, you would think she's cut me slack but nope.

me and karen started talking, this made me happy, b/c i was upset to lose someone i had been so close with :'[
we had a in depth conversation about alot of things going on
hopefully we can fix the unecessary drama going on.

i miss dave
i really wanna see him but it's hard with regents/midterm week going on
but first chance i get i'm hopping a bus to boston and seeing him

i love him so much :/

nick's master plan went into effect yesterday
it's a waste of his own "precious" time considering dave hates him and would never even start to consider choosing him over me.
that boy has to let go of his hate and move on with his life
i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I DID (i hate caps and for me to use them says something)

whatever, im going to jersey for the weekend to stay with my crazy aunt leslie :]

she has me and daves first kiss pictures that i've been dying to get back

she is alos getting my hair done!!

she's the best aunt

anyways more to come later

assholes should learn to comment

♥

stolen from sara chin

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 15:55:49 GMT

when was the last time you really cried your heart out?
- a few days ago

ever cried yourself to sleep?
- yes, plenty of times

ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
- yeah

ever cried over the opposite sex?
- no

do you cry when you get an injury?
- no, depends on the injury i guess

do songs make you cry?
- sometimes

h a p p y section

are you normally a happy person?
- yessss

what can make you happy?
- dave ♥, my friends, shopping, music

do you wish you were happier
- i'm the happiest i've been in a while

what makes you the happiest?
- dave [♥]

is being happy overrated?
- not AT ALL

l o v e section

how many times have you had your heart broken?
- once or twice

do you still have feelings for any of your old significant other?
- nope

have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?
- yes

did you ever love a guy/girl, tell them that, and only got 'thanks' back?
- no

has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'i love you' to you?
- yes ♥

h a t e section

who do you actually hate?
- daves mom and stepdad, my mom (somteimes), nick matuza, justin rupert, gabrielle, latasha, loretto, hesther, amanda and jaymie

have you ever been on a hit list?
- most likely haha

are you a mean bully?
- yes, to the ppl i hate

do you hate anyone that breaks your heart?
- yes

do you hate George Bush?
- i hope he chokes on a cock

s e l f - e s t e e m section

is your self-esteem extremely low?
- yes

do you believe in yourself?
- sometimes, not usually

who was the last person to say you were pretty/hot/etc?
- dave ♥

ever wanted to kill yourself because you thought you werent good enough?
- used to

Are you happy with who you are?
- no

do you wish you can be someone else?
- no

L//O/O/K/ /A/T/ /M/E/
x Whats your natural hair color?
- light brown

x What is your current hair color?
- black

x What color are your eyes?
- brown

x Current Piercings?
- monroe

x Long or Short Hair?
- medium length i guess

x Straight or Curly?
- straight, curly roots ha

/C/U/R/R/E/N/T/L/Y/ W/E/A/R/I/N/G
x What shirt are you wearing?
black v-neck over a black button up

x shorts/pants/ are you wearing?
- blue jeans

x Rings?
- no

x Braclets?
- black beads with a curcifix and virgin mary

x Is your hair up or down?
- up and pulled back

/T/H/I/S/ O/R/ /T/H/A/T/
Rock or Rap?
- rap

Coffee or Hot Cocoa?
- coffee.

Baseball or Softball?
- baseball

Wild Night out or Romantic Night in?
- romantic night in

Chocolate or Vanilla?
- vanilla.

Bracelet or Necklace?
- necklace

Pink or Purple
- pink.

History or Science
- history

Sleep in or Early to rise?
- sleep in.

Beach or Boardwalk?
- boardwalk [dave doesnt like sand]

Hoodie or Tee Shirt?
- hoodie.

Night Or Day?
- night.

love or fun?
- love.

California or Florida?
- california.

Simple Plan or Good Charlotte?
- simple plan

Love at first sight or Learn to Love?
- love at first sight

Babe or Baby?
- baby

/H/A/V/E/ Y/O/U/ E/V/E/R/

Kissed the opposite sex?
- yes.

Kissed the same Sex?
- yes

Hugged someone?
- yeah.

Been on the phone until the sun came up?
- yes

Put a song on repeat for more than 2 hours?
- haha yeah im a loser like that

Gone Skinny dipping?
- yes

Laughed so hard you pissed in your pants?
- ew haha pretty damn close

/T/H/E/ L/A/S/T/
person you talked to in person?
- lauren

Person you talked to online?
- mikafus

person you talked to on the phone?
- dave

last time you had a shower?
- last afternoon

/R/A/N/D/O/M/
Do you like surveys?
- when im bored

Do you ever wonder what your life will be like 10 years down the road?
- yes

you get along with your parents?
- no

Are you old enough to vote?
- no.

Are you happy?
- yessm.

Are you sad?
- a little

you have mental breakdowns?
- when times get really tough

Did you ever tell your parents you didn't feel good so you didn't have to go to school?
- yes, who hasn't?

Do you have a cell phone:
- yeah.

============================================

Current Mood?
- stuffy

Current Music?
- lindsay lohan

Current Hair?
- pulled back with a puff on top'ish?

Current Annoyance?
- my nose

Current Longing?
- college applications that ang was suppoused to do with me

Current Thing I Ought To Be Doing?
- eating

Current desktop picture?
- jesse metcalf (it's alexis's)

Current Favorite Music?
- everything

Current Favorite Book?
- none

Current CD In Stereo?
- a little more personal

blows

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 15:42:57 GMT

i have the flu

it blows

and i walked ALL THE WAY to school
thinking the english midterm was today

and... it wasn't
i felt like a retard

home now

watching clue

peaceeeeeeeee

♥

back

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 21:36:39 GMT

i turned back to my livejournal

havent written in this in forevskies

moms on vaca so cut school

tried sleeping but cathy sent me a text
so went out to lunch with her, justin and frank

mcdonalds

some nasty gypsy looking janitor was grilling me MAD HARD
so we left her a heart made out of pepper on the table

justin ran over franks watch... ha

came home

drove around with justin and cathy
almost fell asleep

gonna nap now i think

peaceeeeeeeeeee

♥

fill out pretty please <3

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 23:55:06 GMT

BASIC
1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my lj:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favorite place to be:
11. favorite lyric:
12. best time of the year:

RECOMMEND
1. a film:
2. a book:
3. a band:
4. a song:
5. an album:

++
1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. post a picture of yourself.
4. put this in your lj so i can tell you what i think of you.

stolen from alex fisher

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 18:20:59 GMT

Goth--
Do you wear black eyeliner?: yes
Do you own any black clothing?: yes
Do you think about death often?: no
Do you want to die?: no
Are you a social outcast?: no
Are you pale?: no
Do you like Hot Topic?: once in a while

Total YES: 2 1/2

--Skater Punk--
Can you skateboard?: no
Do you wear Vans?: yes
Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?: yes
Do you listen to punk bands: yes
Do you have any piercings?: yes
Do you wear mohawks?: no

Total YES: 4

--Prep--
Do you say the word "like": yes
Do you shop at Abercrombie and Fitch?: yes
Are the A&F models hot?: no
Rock music is bad, right?: no
Do you want to be in a sorority/fraternity?: never
Into jocks/popular girls?: no
Are/were you a cheerleader?: no

Total YES: 2

--Hippie--
Is your hair long?: no
Are you a vegetarian?: yes
Do you own a tye dye shirt?: no
Do you want peace?: yes
Do you want to save the animals? yes
Do you think the war is unneccesary?: yes

Total YES: 4

--Gangsta--
Are you from the ghetto?: no
Do you own "bling bling"?: no
Do you wear do-rags?: no
Do you like hip-hop?: yes
Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?: No
Do you like afros?: no
Have you ever said 'fo shizzle'?: yes

Total YES: 2

--Emo--
Do you cry often?: yes
Do you have an acoustic guitar?: no
Are you emotional?: yes
Do you like soft music: yes
Do people not understand you?: no
Do you write your own songs?: no
Is your hair dyed dark? no
Do you cut?: no

Total YES: 3

--Jock--
you play sports? no
Are they important to you?: no
Do you pick on the geeky kids?: no
Do you like football?: no
Were you considered a bully by anyone?: no
was the person you bullied a total dork?: no

Total YES: 0

--Surf Bum--
Do you surf?: no
Do you wear flip flops year-round?: yes
Is your hair shaggy?: no
Do you wake up at 6 or before every morning?: no
Do you own any pairs of shorts?: no
Are you tan?: yes

Total YES: 2

--Geek--
Do you wear glasses?: no
Do you get good grades? yes
Do you use an inhaler?: yes
Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets? no
Are you on the computer often?: Yes
Do you ever get picked on?: yes

Total YES: 4

this thing totally sucked
theend.

yo

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 17:21:26 GMT

yo
havent updated this in forever
nick is sleeping over :]
and gabi should be coming over soon!!
we're gonna go to the mall
and we all gonna look snazzy.
show on thursday with caity benseeennnnnn
and friday staying over my dads with anna and reggie ♥

bfgbfhdbhf
i finally got my celly back
it was dead for ages
and i got my pink and black vans

i made friends in town
holler

well thats about all for now
iLovenicklikewhoa

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 19:55:13 GMT

Happy 4 of July kiddies ♥♥♥

chinese foo

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 05:23:24 GMT

hokay here is how it goes
certain ppl have been cut from my friends list for certain reasons
so this will be a public post...
why?
b/c i felt like it
anyways im mad tired
night

<3 i love nick matuza more than anyone and anything

<3 city this friday!!

<3 mall con amanda

<3 making plans to hang with anna when i visit my daddy

nick made me the greatest effin card in the whole world and i scanned it!
it will make an appearance in my next entry along with my mini vaca

goodbye

Thu, 05 May 2005 14:51:55 GMT

Hello all
well this is going to be my final livejournal entry
im surprised it even lasted this long
no one seems to update or read anymore
and it's not like i have anything really good to write about anymore
i mean i've become something that i never wanted to become
i hurt my friends by putting my bf before them
my bf began to doubt his feelings for me
in the end i will be alone
i guess it's a fair trade everyone has a happy ending except me

so goodbye maybe one day i'll turn to this to write my feelings until then i'll keep them to myself

~ivan

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 22:37:53 GMT